


The Sith Touch

by sunkelles



Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: "Ahsoka is my favorite" I say as I write a whole fic about her suffering, Allusions to Greek Mythology, Angst, Character Study, F/F, Femslash, Jedi Legends, Platonic Relationships, Spoilers for Twilight of the Apprentice, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6427222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is an old Jedi legend about a Jedi who loved too passionately, too fiercely and led everyone that he loved to the dark side: his lover, his master and his Padawan. Ahsoka tries not to put too much stock in legends, but it becomes difficult as it starts to play out before her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sith Touch

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. this is not a happy fic, but like, i finally got some of my feelings about barrisoka and ahsoka and anakin out, thanks to twilight of the apprentice. 
> 
> 2\. disclaimer: some dialog taken verbatim from episodes. i don't own that or anything in the star wars universe. 
> 
> 3\. this fic has been floating around in my head ever since i found out what happens between barriss and ahsoka, so i hope that you enjoy it. 
> 
> 4\. as you can probably guess the story is inspired by the story of king midas, but instead of everyone midas touches turning to gold, everyone that ahsoka loves turns to the dark side. as i said, it's not a happy fic.

The Jedi Order forbids its members from forming attachments, and romantic and sexual ones top the list of forbidden relationships. One of the primary reasons being a myth where two Jedi were lovers, and one fell to the dark side. The one that didn’t subsequently pulled their master and Padawan to the dark side as well.

 

_Lover, master, Padawan_

 

It’s a well-known Jedi tale, one that younglings are fed from the cradle, and many Jedi grow up believing with every fiber of their being. Ahsoka, however, has never thought of herself as a superstitious person. Just because there is a Force does not mean that some people are destined to fall to the dark side. She doesn’t particularly believe that attachment leads to it either.

 

Ahsoka has always bent the rules, and it hasn’t gotten any better in the years that she spent training with her master because Anakin never followed the rules either. In Ahsoka’s defense, at least, she did not set out to break the code this thoroughly. Her relationship with Barriss just sort of happened.

Barriss was the one with the greater reservations, though. Master Unduli was always stricter about adhering to the code than Master Skywalker was.

 

Ahsoka has not seen her lover in person for four months. She’s glad to see her again, but she wishes that they were reunited under happier circumstances. Tragedies draw people other together, certainly, but no one ever wishes for them. Funerals are almost as bad as the tragedies themselves.

Beside her, Barriss has curled in on herself and it seems as though she might have shed a tear. Barriss is normally so reserved, so closed off from the world. It’s strange to see her display such grief in public.

“Who was it?” Ahsoka asks. Barriss sends her a confused look, almost terrified, and Ahsoka realizes that she needs to clarify.

“The one that you’re mourning,” Ahsoka says, “you were close to one of them.”

“I was,” Barriss says, “his name was Tutso Mara. He taught me how to hold my lightsaber properly.” There’s a deep sort of sadness in her tone, almost regret, and Ahsoka takes her hand and squeezes it. Ahsoka remembers Barriss speaking fondly of Tutso in the past, and she feels terrible for having to ask. Ahsoka does not say anything else for the rest of the funeral, because she realizes that her promises will mean nothing to the dead.

 

She means to find a place to speak to Barriss after the funeral, but she someone ends up in between her master and Admiral Tarkin, and in the middle of an argument. Barriss seems resigned, almost closed off from the argument, and when Tarkin finally leaves, Barriss follows soon afterwards.

“Goodbye, Ahsoka,” Barriss says, and she starts to leave her without even really speaking to her. Ahsoka needs to find her, to hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything will be alright, or at least that they’ll bring Letta and whoever else was responsible to justice. She thinks that will make Barriss feel better. Something will have to make Barriss feel better.

 

Anakin tells her to go after her “friend” and Ahsoka doesn’t need to be told twice. She nearly runs through the halls to catch up to Barriss.

“Company?” Ahsoka asks, trying to make it sound at least a little fun and flirty. Barriss’s reply is stilted, but it’s still an agreement.

“Whenever I think about this, it’s hard to detach myself from it. It’s hard not to let feelings lead to attachment and pain,” Ahsoka says.

“Ahsoka,” Barriss says, sending her a ghost of a smile, “we both know we’ve failed at not having attachments.”

“You’re right,” Ahsoka says, fond memories flooding into her mind, “ever since Geonosis.”

“I distinctly recall we never even held hands until after the event with the brain worms,” Barriss says, “we weren’t _attached,”_ she says the word like an innuendo, a way to say dating without saying dating, “until a year after that.”

“ _I_ was attached to you by Geonosis,” Ahsoka says shamelessly, and Barriss smiles softly at her. She pauses a moment, and bites her lip.

“Ahsoka, can I ask you something... Something private?” Barriss asks.

“Of course,” Ahsoka says, looking swiftly around the corridors to make sure that there’s no one here who shouldn’t be privy to whatever it is Barriss is going to say.

“Do you ever doubt the Jedi Order?” She asks.

“Well, sure,” Ahsoka says blithely, “there’s some bantha shit in the Code, and my master and I have a healthy disregard for the rules.” Ahsoka sends her a grin then, and Barriss frowns. Ahsoka can tell that was nothing like the answer Barriss wanted to hear.

“What is it, Barriss?” She asks.

“Do you ever doubt the war?” Barriss asks hesitantly, almost fearfully, “wonder if we’re fighting on the wrong side? Do you ever wonder if it’s worth it?” Barriss has asked her questions like this before, but this is the first time that Barriss has asked it since Ahsoka met the Bonteri family.  This is the first time that she can actually tell Barriss yes.

“Yeah,” Ahsoka admits, “sometimes I do.” Barriss’s face lights up as if Ahsoka has said something wonderful, like the first time that Ahsoka called her “babe” after Barriss called her “love”. Barriss hasn’t smiled like that in what seems like an eternity. Ahsoka wishes that she could get her to smile like that all the time.

Ahsoka hears her com, and curses under her breath. She answers it. It’s Master Skywalker, of _course_ it’s Master Skywalker. She’s needed again, and Ahsoka had just finally gotten to start talking to her girlfriend. She’d hoped that they would get some time alone tonight. She hangs up the com, and then takes Barriss’s hands in hers.

“Barriss,” she says, “I have to believe that this woman is going to pay for what she’s done, one way or another.” Barriss flinches back at that, and drops Ahsoka’s hands as if they were on fire.

“Barriss?” Ahsoka asks, concern flooding into her voice. A moment ago, they were getting along as well as they did when they first kissed. This was an unexpected development. She puts a comforting hand on Barriss’s shoulder, and her lover shrugs it lightly off.

“You shouldn’t keep your master waiting,” Barriss says, almost coldly, and she starts walking away. Ahsoka sighs in frustrated confusion, but ultimately leaves. She will have time to catch up with Barriss and figure out what's wrong later.

 

The series of events that leads Ahsoka and _Ventress_ to a dark alleyway on the thirteenth level of Coruscant is the most stressful of Ahsoka’s life, and she’s been fighting on the frontlines of a war since she was fourteen. They get to a holobooth, and she calls Barriss immediately. She breathes a sigh of relief when she finally sees her girlfriend’s face.

“Barriss,” she says, “it’s me.”

“It’s so good to see you, Ahsoka,” Barriss says, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Ahsoka says, “I’m okay, at least if you consider having Anakin and a hundred clones on my tail _okay_.” She stifles a bitter little chuckle and expects Barriss to do the same. Barriss does not.

“You were almost captured?” Barriss asks, and Ahsoka can’t quite read the emotion in her tone.

“Once or twice,” Ahsoka admits. Barriss asks where she is, and Ahsoka, of course, can’t tell her no matter how much she wants to. Then Barriss tells her about a clue she thinks that she found.

“Thank you, Barriss,” Ahsoka says, and she realizes that she has a few more moments to spare, “and Barriss-”

“Yes, Ahsoka?” Barriss asks.

“Don’t let them find out about us,” she says, “I don’t want them thinking that you were involved... Or that you were in danger of falling to the dark side.” Ahsoka has had a tough enough time suffering this alone, she wouldn’t want her girlfriend dragged in on it. She’s actually surprised that they’re letting Anakin anywhere near this case, considering the old Jedi legend.

“I didn’t think you believed in the Sith Touch,” Barriss asks.

“I don’t,” Ahsoka says, “but half of the Jedi Order does. If I can’t clear my name, and anyone were to find out about our relationship...”

Ahsoka trails off, and Barriss picks up right where she left off, “Then I would fall into suspicion.”

Ahsoka nods, and Barriss almost smiles as she says, “Thank you, Ahsoka.”

“I love you, Barriss,” Ahsoka says. Barriss sends her a look that’s probably worried but looks almost guilty, and then the transmission cuts out on her. She’s greeted by clones a few moments later.

 

Ahsoka finds the nanodroids, Ventress turns on her, and then she is dragged off to prison by the Order. Ahsoka is expelled from the Jedi Order, and she can hear Anakin’s rage and the council’s indifference. Ahsoka does not always agree with the Order, but it’s the only thing that she’s ever known. She was raised here, and expected that she would spend her entire life serving it. She can’t believe that they would throw her out so easily, so _carelessly,_ as if she never meant anything to them at all. She had hoped that at least Obi Wan might vouch for her.

Ahsoka is quickly sentenced to death, no matter how hard Padmé campaigns for her. The evidence against her is too damning, and the Republic judges want to see the perpetrator of this crime _die_ for it. She doesn’t think that it matters to them at all whether or not they’ve got the right person.

Ahsoka thinks that she is a goner by the time that Anakin arrives with news. The news that he brings is almost worse than simply being executed. _Barriss_ did this. The Barriss that she spent years falling in love with, that she spilled every secret she ever had to, and that she spent hours meditating with, kissing, and fucking. _Barriss_ murdered Jedi, and was willing to let Ahsoka take the fall for it. Somehow, this feels even worse than being expelled from the Order.

Barriss does not mention their relationship, which she appreciates, but she does not acknowledge Ahsoka at all. She does not apologize, and she does not explain herself. She acts as though Ahsoka does not exist, as if she doesn’t owe Ahsoka an explanation. Ahsoka wonders if everything they ever had was a lie. The events after Anakin exposes Barriss are a blur, because Ahsoka spends them with her head spinning from all of her conflicting feelings.

She knows that her attachment was not what drove Barriss to terrorism. Barriss gave them her reasons in her confession, but Ahsoka cannot help but be reminded of that old Jedi myth about the Sith Touch. The Jedi knight loved too fiercely, too passionately, and drove everyone he loved to the dark side.  

 

Eventually, Anakin comes to her room with a tentative smile on his face and says, “Ahsoka, the Council would like to talk to you.” He says it as if he’s delivering the best news that she will ever get, like he somehow found a way to undo the past and bring everything back to the way that it’s supposed to be. Ahsoka tries to force a smile, and follows him.

 

They offer to reinstate her to her position as Padawan Learner. Anakin even slips the braid back into her hands, but Ahsoka can’t agree. She can’t go back to the Order that was willing to let her die for crimes she didn’t commit. She can’t go back now, and she tells Anakin as much. She clutches his hand around her old Padawan braid, and leaves the temple, unsure where she is going other than _far from here._

 

“Ahsoka, wait,” he shouts, “I need to talk to you.” Ahsoka wants to keep walking, because it would be so much easier if she did not stop to talk to Anakin. Ahsoka, however, has never been able to do anything the easy way. She stop and turns around, and she can already see the grief and confusion on Anakin’s face. Turning around was a mistake.

“Why are you doing this?” He demands.

“The council didn’t trust me,” she says, “so how can I trust myself?” It’s a half truth, maybe even less, but Ahsoka doesn’t know if she can tell her master the whole truth. The girl that she loved not only bombed the Jedi temple, but was willing to let Ahsoka take the fall for it. And Ahsoka was too blind to even notice her fall from grace. Ahsoka still doesn’t believe in the Sith Touch, but she doesn’t believe in herself or the Jedi Council either. She had believed in Barriss, and look where that got her?

“What about me?” He demands, and Ahsoka _knew_ that he would do this. She knew that he would take this personally. Anakin Skywalker is incapable of taking anything concerning someone that he loves as anything less than an assault on his person.

“I know you believe in me, Anakin,” she says, “and I’m grateful for that.. But this isn’t about you, I can’t stay here any longer.”

“Then what is this about?” He asks, “the Council? The Republic? Barriss Offee?” Ahsoka can feel the tears building her eyes.

“All of it!” She shouts. Anakin looks shocked by her outburst, and Ahsoka tries to calm herself down. She manages to bring down her volume, but she can’t stop the tears from pooling in her eyes. They make her feel weak and vulnerable.

“The council didn’t trust me,” Ahsoka says softly, “They handed me over to the Republic to execute.” She bites her lip, and tries to keep the tears from falling, but she can’t.

“And what about Barriss?” Anakin asks. Ahsoka’s never breathed a word about the nature of her relationship with Barriss to Anakin, and doesn’t think that it would be a good idea. But Ahsoka is hurting, and her master, her _skyguy_ is the only person that stuck through this with her. If there will ever be a person that she can talk to about this, it’s him.

“I loved her,” she says softly, “I loved her, and I thought that I knew her, but she wasn’t the person that I thought that she was. She killed people, Anakin… and she let me take the fall for it.” _She never loved you,_ Ahsoka thinks, and it sears her inside to think that out of all the things that Barriss Offee has done, that’s the part that hurts her the worst, not the bombings, not the betrayal, just the fact that Ahsoka loved her and she knows that Barriss must have never loved her back.

“You can’t just leave the Order over one friend,” Anakin says, and it takes Ahsoka a moment to realize that Anakin doesn’t get it. He doesn’t realize the extent of their relationship, and Ahsoka laughs, almost bitterly.

“We were lovers, Anakin,” she says, and the word comes out more bitterly than it should ever be spoken. She’s silent for a moment, and Anakin, wisely, doesn’t speak. Ahsoka thinks that the Jedi Order might have been onto something when they said that attachment leads to the dark side. She thinks about that damned Sith Touch myth, and about how fiercely Anakin loves, how blindly Ahsoka has loved.

 

_I would never let anyone hurt you, Ahsoka._

 

“Lover, master, Padawan,” she recites absent-mindedly. The myth of the Sith Touch is well-known to every member of the Jedi Order, and Anakin catches her drift the moment that the words leave her mouth.

“Ahsoka,” he says, trying to comfort her, “I’m the last person that would fall to the dark side.” Ahsoka smiles, but she can’t keep from crying and she can feel her throat constricting slightly.

“That’s what I thought about Barriss,” she says softly, guiltily. She knows how Anakin will take the comparison.

A dark look passes over his face, and he says, “I am _nothing_ like Barriss Offee. I wouldn’t murder people like that, and I would _never_ betray you.” Ahsoka almost smiles behind the tears, because she _believes_ him, but she can’t go back. The Council did not believe in her, and they washed their hands of her and shipped her off to the Republic to try and execute.

“I can’t go back, Anakin,” she says, “I _won’t_ go back” She starts to walk away, because she can’t fight him anymore. He will never understand why she’s leaving, and if it were up to him, she never would. He chases after her, and grabs her by the forearm.

“I understand wanting to leave to Order,” he says, “more than you know, Ahsoka. But you can’t just turn your back on everything you’ve ever known. You can’t just _leave.”_

“I can’t stay either,” she says. She doesn’t turn away this time.

“Ahsoka, _snips, please_ ,” he begs, “I _need_ you to stay. Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” she says, and she breaks away from his hold. She runs the rest of the distance, and this time, Anakin does not chase her.  


The Republic falls, and the Empire rises from its ashes. The Jedi Order is crushed underneath the Empire’s foot.

 

Ahsoka thinks, _hopes_ at least, that some Jedi survived the massacre. She hopes, completely unreasonably, that Anakin Skywalker is one of them. She helps to form a rebellion against the Empire, and does her best to try to overthrow it. She fights for years and years before she hears anything about any other Jedi. _Any_ Jedi, she reminds herself. She is no Jedi, not anymore.  

The Jedi that she hears about are a survivor named Kanan and his Padawan, a boy named Ezra. She no longer identifies with the Jedi Order, but it gives her hope to see that it lives on in one form or another.  She brings them into the rebellion, because they gave so much of the galaxy hope, along with her. Maybe, together, they can finally overthrow the Empire.

 

Ahsoka’s fainting fit, and then the visions at the Jedi Temple nearly confirm her sinking feeling that Anakin is Darth Vader. The idea leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, but Ahsoka cannot come up with any other explanation for what she saw and heard.

_Lover, master, Padawan_ resounds in her head, and Ahsoka tries to push the thoughts away. It does not work very well, though. After this, she tries to avoid Ezra Bridger. Ezra is not her Padawan, and never will be, but there’s part of her that worries she will corrupt him anyways. With the possibility that Anakin might have become Darth Vader dancing around in her head, Ahsoka does not want to risk it. No matter how hard Ahsoka tries not to believe in it, she fears the Sith Touch as much as the Jedi of old.

She never should have fallen in love with Barriss Offee. There are a million things that she should not have done, but she thinks that tops the list. Perhaps her life would have gone differently if she had not. If nothing else, she would have a little less pain and regret constantly weighing her down.

 

She, Kanan and Ezra leave for Malachor even though she has an awful, sinking about the place. Malachor is the sort of place that Jedi should never set foot, but Ahsoka Tano is no longer a Jedi. Kanan and Ezra are both closer than she’ll ever be, and they travel the surface of the ruined world.

 

A million things happen once they get there, and it all begins to blur together: the inquisitors, Maul, and the rush to the top of the temple. It seems like the world will never stop, will never even slow enough for her to think. That is, until she spots Darth Vader. Then, the world seems to slow down to a stop.

“Our long awaited meeting has come at last,” Vader says, his voice deep and robotic.  He tries to convince her to surrender information, almost diplomatically, but Ahsoka will have none of it. Ahsoka finds herself thinking out loud, taunting the Vader with how she realized he could never have been her master.

“Anakin Skywalker was weak,” the sith lord claims, “I destroyed him.”

Ahsoka can feel rage and sadness and regret churning within her, and she says, “Then I will avenge his death.”

“Revenge is not the Jedi way,” he mocks, though it sounds almost _teasing._ Ahsoka shakes the familiarity away.

“I am _no_ Jedi,” she says from the depths of her soul. She draws her lightsabers and fights, meeting every blow that he deals her with her own. She registers, idly, that Ezra and Kanan removed the Sith holocron from the temple. She also registers that the temple has started to collapse in on itself. The two Jedi start to run out of the temple, and Vader averts his attention. He’s going to try to keep them from leaving it, to get the holocron for himself and Ahsoka cannot allow that. She strikes once again, and cracks Vader’s mask from behind.

“Ahsoka,” he says in a voice that she still remembers so well. He turns around to face her, and her heart stops beating in her chest. She can see his face through the broken part of his mask, a glowing yellow eye, a familiar scar, and the outline of his nose.

“Anakin,” Ahsoka says, knowing that this time, she was _right_. She feels her stomach sicken. Ahsoka can’t help but feel like it was her fault. He stands up, dark suit and monstrous armor and all.

“I won’t leave you,” Ahsoka says, voice filling with passion, “not this time.” She left him so long ago because she couldn’t handle Barriss’s descent into darkness, and feared that it might happen again, to her master this time. Ironically, Ahsoka fears that it was those actions that drove him to the dark side in the first place.

The others have not left yet, and Ahsoka realizes that they will not leave without her, so she forces them to. She closes the door and resigns herself to her fate. Vader stares at her, perhaps glares at her, and his cloak billows in the wind. He does not look like the man who said he would never let anything hurt her.

“Then you will die,” he says, voice once again devoid of emotion. He ignites his blood red lightsaber, and Ahsoka draws her own ‘sabers halfheartedly. She’s not going to leave him, but Ahsoka suspects that means that she will never leave this place alive.

Ahsoka feels the fiery pain spread through her side before she’s even realized that he has stabbed her. She falls to her knees, and her lightsabers fall to the ground, making a clanking sound as they hit. Anakin- Vader, whatever he is right now, doesn’t seem to have registered what has happened yet. She laughs a little, and it’s a bitter strangled sound. At least she won’t live long enough to turn any _Padawans_ to the dark side.

“What have I done?” Ahsoka hears Anakin whisper. He falls to his knees in front of her, and the soft, purple and red light of the temple has started to blur together. Black blurs together with it, and Ahsoka feels arms wrap around her. She realizes, numbly, that Anakin has taken her into his arms.

“Ahsoka,” he says, and she can hear the terrible conflict in his voice; desperation, anger, and despair. Ahsoka can just feel her world spinning to a halt as her vision starts to fade.

“Ahsoka, _snips, please_ ,” he says, “don’t leave me.” He grasps her a little tighter, and Ahsoka feels a slight burn once again as he touches the wound, but she can barely feel anything anymore. She can feel herself completely drifting away. Ahsoka hears him say her name one more time before the pain finally leaves her and the world turns as white as her lightsabers.

**Author's Note:**

> not sure if this ending is plausible in canon or not because i keep seeing people saying that they saw ahsoka leave the sith temple. but like, this is what i wrote. i might write something where ahsoka lives through the end of the episode later. 
> 
> also, ahsoka thinks that ezra is safe, but we know better *insert a mixture of hysterical laughter and crying*


End file.
